If you’ve ever found yourself “solving problems” all day and, by the end of the day, felt like you hadn’t really helped anyone… welcome to the club. 😅

The book “The Coaching Habit” by Michael Bungay Stanier proposes a very concrete approach: instead of filling people with advice, learn to ask (and support) good questions. In this guide we’ll look at how to use, at work, the seven fundamental questions, adapted to tech team contexts.

Note: this isn’t therapy, it isn’t HR, it isn’t magic. It’s just a smarter way of having work conversations.

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What’s on your mind? 💭

In the book this is the opening question ("What’s on your mind?"). Simple, direct, almost disarming.

The goal isn’t to “make small talk,” but to open a safe space where the other person can bring what really matters to them at that moment: a technical problem, a conflict with a colleague, a career doubt.

Some practical tips:

• Ask the question, then stay quiet. Silence is part of the tool.
• Avoid adding suggestions to the question: no “What’s on your mind? Like the bug in production?”.
• Accept that the answer might not be what you expected: it’s their time, not yours.

Examples of use in a work context:

• “Before we get into the sprint details, what’s on your mind today?”
• “It seems like this is weighing on you a lot, what’s really on your mind right now?”

This question immediately shifts the conversation from “let’s talk about the agenda” to “let’s talk about you.”

And what else? ➕

The second question, in the book, is almost a running joke: “And what else?”. The author calls it the magic question.

Why does it work so well?

• The first answer is rarely the deepest one.
• It helps avoid the advice-giver’s reflex, meaning jumping straight to solutions on the first thing we hear.
• It implicitly communicates: “There’s room for more, you haven’t run out of time.”

How to use it without sounding like a chatbot stuck in a loop:

• After the first answer: “Ok, and what else?”
• If a second level comes up: “Interesting. Is there anything else worth putting on the table?”
• You can also use it on yourself: “I’m fixating on this aspect… and what else is there here for me?”

In practice, you don’t settle for the surface. Often the real issue emerges on the third “and what else?”.

What’s the real challenge here for you? 🎯

The third question ("What’s the real challenge here for you?") is the one that, in the book, takes things to the next level.

You don’t just ask “what’s the problem”, but:

What’s the real challenge here for you?

There are at least three useful effects:

• You shift the focus from the situation to the person. It’s no longer “the project,” it’s how that person experiences the project.
• You avoid endless discussions about technical details that don’t touch the real core.
• You help distinguish between noise (everything) and signal (the thing that’s really blocking).

Concrete examples:

• “I understand the migration is complex. What’s the real challenge here for you?”
• “You mentioned issues of time, priority, and communication. What’s the main challenge for you, right now?”

If you want to go even deeper, you can add variations suggested by the author:

• “And for you, personally, what’s the real challenge?”
• “If you had to pick just one, what’s the real challenge here?”

What do you want? 🎁

The fourth question ("What do you want?") seems trivial in the book, but it’s disarming.

Often in work conversations:

• people complain about a situation,
• you try to understand the details,
• nobody actually says what they want to change.

Asking “What do you really want?” forces clarity on:

• Desired outcome: what would it concretely mean that this situation has improved?
• Personal need: do you want support? autonomy? recognition? clarity?

Some useful phrasings:

• “In this situation, what do you really want to happen?”
• “Beyond the constraints we have, what result do you want?”
• “If you looked back a month from now, what would make you say: ‘Ok, that went well’?”

In many cases you’ll discover that not even the speaker is clear on what they really want, until you ask them.

How can I help? 🧩

The fifth question ("How can I help?"), in the book, serves to protect both you and the other person.

If you don’t ask it, the risk is:

• you implicitly take on things you shouldn’t,
• the other person thinks they asked you for one thing, you understood another,
• you both end up frustrated.

Asking “How can I help?”:

• makes expectations explicit,
• lets you negotiate the type of help (not everything is on you),
• makes the other person responsible for asking clearly.

Practical variations:

• “Ok, given everything we’ve said, how can I concretely help you?”
• “What kind of support would really be useful to you from me?”
• “What can I do, and what can you do instead?”

If the request isn’t sustainable, you can rephrase:

• “I can’t take this on myself, but I can help you like this…”

What are you saying no to? 🚪

In the book, this is the question tied to choice and boundaries: “What are you saying no to?”.

Every time we say yes to something, we’re saying no to something else: time, energy, focus, mental health, quality of work.

Bringing this dynamic to the surface is essential for healthy decisions:

“If you say yes to this new responsibility, what are you saying no to?”

Examples of exploration:

• “Taking on this project in parallel, what will it make you say no to? Time for the team? Learning? Recovery?”
• “If you say yes to always being the one to handle incidents, what are you giving up in developing your skills?”

This question helps to:

• make the hidden costs of decisions visible;
• reason in terms of conscious trade-offs, not improvised heroics;
• protect both the person and the team from the classic “yes to everything” that then explodes into burnout.

What was most useful for you? ✅

The last question ("What was most useful for you?") closes the circle.

It’s not a generic request for feedback, it’s a metacognition question: it helps the other person stop for a second and notice what they’re really taking away from the conversation.

Why is it so powerful, according to the book?

• It reinforces learning: naming what’s useful makes it more memorable.
• It helps you better understand what works in your coaching approach.
• It makes the person feel like the protagonist of their own improvement, not a patient in therapy.

Possible phrasings:

• “Before we close: what was most useful for you in this conversation?”
• “Is there a passage or a question you’re taking away from here?”

Often the answer will surprise you: it’s not what you explained for ten minutes, but a single question asked at the right moment.

How to bring these questions into your work 🧱

Some practical suggestions for turning the “The Coaching Habit” model into a daily habit:

• Don’t use them all, all the time. Pick two or three that feel most natural to you and start there.
• Integrate them into existing rituals: 1:1s, retrospectives, mentoring, feedback moments.
• Train yourself in silence: ask the question, count to five in your head before speaking.
• Take notes on the answers (even mental ones): they’ll be useful for next time.
• Apply them to yourself too: use the seven questions when you’re the one stuck.

If you want to go to the source, the reference is:

• Michael Bungay Stanier, “The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever”, 2016.

You won’t need to become a professional coach. You’ll just need to ask good questions more often and be a little less of the all-knowing problem solver. Your team will thank you (maybe silently, but they will). 😉